My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
