you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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