I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
