i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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