how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
