very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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