call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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