I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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