Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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