Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
