"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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