It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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