Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
