Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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