I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
