I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
