Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
