you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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