I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my liver is dry heaving
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
