So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
