He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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