i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
