I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
