I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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