found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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