she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
