I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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