Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
