I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
