this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
