so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
