okay pat passed out under dana's car
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
