Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
