apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You took a bar mat shot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
