youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
