I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
