We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
