so explain again why im purple
no
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
