it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
