so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
