Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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