I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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