I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
