Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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