is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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