well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
