Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
