Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
