There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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