hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
