just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
