Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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