Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
