i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
