the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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