btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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